The Other Guy l Quarter of the way home

That excitement faded when he handed me a piece of paper with numbers, and a few letters tossed in for good measure, informing me it was his Pre-Calculus assignment. I scoffed.

“Out of my league little man,” I responded to the boy, who by the way, towers over me, as I returned the paper as quickly as he handed it to me.

“It’s just like algebra,” he said, giving his best pep talk.

“Above my pay grade,” I replied. “Who threw the numbers in with the alphabet?”

He wasn’t laughing. Neither was I. I was scared.

“I’m sorry buddy,” I said softly. “That’s just not my area of expertise. We can Google it, we can YouTube it, but I won’t be any help.”

“We can talk about the news,” I said, as he retreated to his room.

He resigned himself to speaking with his teacher, the expert on the subject.

The other boy, Jayden, who for the time being hasn’t banished the use of his name in the newspaper, was riding on Cloud Nine this past week. He even took time out of his busy school day to message me the news: He was “Student of the Week.”

“Jayden Bryan is a highly valuable contributor in our classroom. He was the only student to earn a 100 percent on our Medieval Europe test, offering up thorough and well-supported answers that demonstrated insight and creative thinking. Well done, Jayden!”

I was, of course, super proud of him, telling him “AWESOME JOB!”

Now, if I could only get him to provide thorough and well-supported answers about why the pile of dirty clothes continues to morph on his bedroom floor and why they’re not in the dirty clothes baskets, we’d have even more progress. But I digress.

Now onto Ms. Emmalyn, the sassiest of my brood. Despite missing a week with the flu, which left her bitterly disappointed that she wouldn’t have perfect attendance for the second straight school year, she’s relishing life as a fifth-grader.

A member of the Safety Patrol, she was selected a sergeant this past quarter. “A deputy in training,” she told me.

“Are you allowed to write tickets?” I asked.

“No,” she said, “but they should give me a ticket book so I can write tickets.”

“I’m not sure that’s a wise idea,” I said.

“Why not?” she asked me, before I reminded her of her plan to take over the world.

“Oh yeah,” she said, “I still want to do that.”

I can only fathom what the remainder of the school year will be like. I’ll be safe as long as there is no math homework and I don’t get a ticket from Sgt. Bryan.

Jeff Bryan is the executive editor of the Citrus County Chronicle. Contact him at jeff.bryan@ chronicleonline.com.