WINES & SUCH? Do flaws really exist in wines?

Today, let’s review the topic of “wine flaws both real and imagined.”

* The wine is too old.

If I had a dollar for every time a gentle reader asked about the old bottle of wine “I have been saving for a special occasion” I might have enough ready cash in to cruise around the Mediterranean.

All wines go through an aging process. Some, as with new Beaujolais, are meant to drink in their infancy, while others, including vintage Bordeaux, Port and Madeira, need time to develop an established ready-to-drink set of flavors. Fully 95 percent of the wine wall is drinkable right now. Wine left too long in closets will turn into sour vinegar.

* The wine is too young.

To drink too early the product of a fabulous French vintage or any “great” vintage is blasphemy. Cellar aging for these special labels is essential to let them grow into maturity and balance.

* The wine is seasick.

Bouncing around on the high seas or in a semi on the way to market will disjoint the wine. As with all of us, after a long, hard journey, we need to rest and settle down. Dramamine won’t help.

* The wine is poorly made.

This is a broad complaint regarding wines from smaller wineries that have been remiss with sanitary procedures, allowing microorganisms to “spoil the brew,” to remain “cloudy” through poor clarification, or simply “out of balance,” meaning we taste anything but the true fruit essence, because of poor production.

* The wine is served at the wrong temperature.

In restaurants particularly, red wine served by the glass is almost always too warm while the whites immersed in a bucket of ice are virtually tasteless. Once again red wine temperature in my home is 50 to 60 degrees, whites are served a bit cooler.

* The wine is cloudy.

This means the clarification process got botched, leaving the wine looking like a snow flurry in Vermont.

* The wine is corked.

This tainted-cork syndrome is easy to recognize. The wine will taste something like a cross between wet dog fur and a dirty old mop. Eww! It happens when corks generate a chemical called TCA, or trinchoranisole.

There is no way to repair the contents and you should ask for another bottle.

* The wine is oxidized or it is Bretty.

Air is wine’s principle enemy and if O2 enters through a faulty cork, it will blight the contents. Bretty wine smells like a barnyard. Come labels (especially French Burgundy) demonstrate this characteristic. But if it really stinks, the spoilage is a nasty chemical called Brettanomyces. If it is present, it’s time to toss it out.

* The wine is fizzy.

Some are naturally fizzy. One example is Portuguese Vinho Verde. This is normally a natural mild carbonization and will go away shortly.

* Stuff is lying on the bottom.

Not to worry. A few solids at the base is natural in reds, as are the tiny white particles found sometimes in whites, called tartrates. Neither will do you a bit of harm.

* The wine is too expensive.

Caveat Emptor, or let the buyer beware. If the $50 bottle of Italian super Tuscan is not living up to its fame, so be it. Better luck next time. Do check with on-board consultants.

* Finally, the very worst fault of all — “I don’t like it!”

Well whose fault is that? Actually, any decent wine shop will happily exchange a jug for another label. When this happens in a restaurant, much depends on the management. Turning back a bottle of wine because it’s not what you expected is awkward, so think twice.

Oak Ridge resident Ron Drinkhouse was a buyer and seller of wines in his native Connecticut. He welcomes inquiries, and can be reached via email at ronoct9@aol.com or via telephone at 352-445-0328.