Judi's Journal

It’s January in our little corner of Florida, and that means only one thing: Winter. Of course, winter down here is nothing like what our Northern friends are experiencing, but it does get a bit “depressing” to have to wear sweaters and socks with sandals!
It’s also sad to see the brown, actually dormant bahia grass and the lifeless hibiscus bushes that so recently were in full bloom. And so, to cheer us all up, I offer a little bit of Jewish humor (that and chicken soup cure almost anything!) from some of the classic Jewish comedians who have delighted audiences of all races and creeds.
When most of us think of Jewish humor, we think of the comedians who played the “Borscht Belt” — the resorts in the Catskills of New York State, where Jews would go on vacations.The names read like a litany of humor: Shecky Greene, Danny Kaye, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, Sid Ceasar, Jackie Mason, Joan Rivers, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Jack Benny, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Don Rickles, Rodney Dangerfield and a host of others. Many of these comics were masters of the “one-liner,” giving comic relief to the all-suffering Jewish mother who wants only the best for her children at all costs, to the plight of the Jewish people as a minority in America.
Jewish humor is funny because it roots for the underdog and has him coming out on top through wit and wisdom. It pokes fun at Jewish traditions and folkways, but on the other hand gives praise to the various rituals it pokes fun of. (Circumcision jokes are a good example of this genre.)
As with any ethnic group, understanding the ethnic group helps you to enjoy the humor, especially when Jews make fun of themselves for some of the things they like to do: buying wholesale or looking for bargains, eating Chinese foods, or wondering whether the rabbi really fasts all day on Yom Kippur. In the worst of times, “this too shall pass,” with a bit of humor thrown in, has helped Jews to survive through the ages. The whole holiday of Purim is a good example of this, when wicked Haman sought the destruction of the Jews of ancient Persia, only to be saved by Queen Esther. Tomfoolery is the order of the day and satire reigns supreme. What could be more fun?
I now would like to offer a few of my favorite “one-liners,” with a couple of other jokes for your enjoyment:
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Doctor: You’ll live to be 60!
Patient: I am 60!
Doctor: What did I tell you?
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Doctor: Your check came back!
Patient: So did my arthritis!
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Patient: I have a ringing in my ears.
Doctors: Don’t answer it!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it!
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Mt wife and I went to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I went into the bathroom and cried.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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The Harvard School of Medicine conducted a study as to why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. They discovered that “won ton” spelled backwards was “not now.”
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When the new State of Israel was being established, the Knesset (parliament) got together to try to figure out how to build up the country. One member pointed out that after any war with the United States, the U.S. would always build up the country it defeated. Japan was cited as an example. The suggestion was made that Israel should declare war on the United States. David Ben Gurion, the prime minister, scratched his head and asked: “But what if we win?”
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The Arab heads of state met with the president of Israel and proposed asolution to their long-standing animosity. If the Israelis could produce a dog to fight the Arabs’ dog, the winner of the match would be the one to secure peace in the Middle East. Both sides had five years to produce the dog for the match, and with much bombastic behavior on both sides, the battle was on.
After five years, the Arabs engineered the most ferocious attack dog ever bred. Confident of victory, they led him out to face his Israeli adversary. To their surprise and disappointment, the Israelis produced the longest dachshund they had ever seen. No contest there, and the Arabs were very sorry for the Israelis.
As they led their monstrous beast out to devour the dachshund, a strange thing happened. The Israeli dog opened its mouth revealing sharp, huge teeth and swallowed the Arabs’ dog. You see, the Israelis had engineered a crocodile in the shape of a dachshund. Now if there were only peace in the Middle East...
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The Bible tells us: “ A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22, KJV) Or better translated: “A joyful heart makes for good health; despondency dries up the bones.” (Jewish Publication Society) And on the bottom of the website where I found this quote, I found an ad about the signs of heart attacks! And that was no joke!
Judi Siegal is a retired teacher and Jewish educator. She lives in Ocala with her husband Phil. She can be reached at niejudis@yahoo.com.