FOSTER ON FILM: ‘Contraband’ fails to achieve thrilling status

The slapdash, duct tape aesthetic of “Contraband” promotions cannot be truer.

Lacking the proper nuts and bolts, this crime filler, ahem, thriller rattled out with little promise and promptly disintegrated. After getting past mindless montages and the unconvincing documentary feel, there isn’t much meat to “Contraband.”

Thanks to actors, characters are pretty sympathetic, but the movie’s logic and story are embarrassing. Genius smuggling relies an otherworldly inattention on the authorities’ part and contrived twists kill any drama. This taped-up fiasco is a real piece.

“Contraband’s” main character, Chris Farraday (Mark Wahlberg), is a Louisiana ex-smuggler “gone legit” for the sake of his wife Kate (Kate Beckinsale) and his two sons. To Farraday’s horror, his dopey brother-in-law Andy (Caleb Landry Jones) botches a drug run and gets ruthless cokehead Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi) after his family. Unable to cough up money for Andy, Farraday cooks up a job involving truckloads of counterfeit bills and a conveniently tarp-esque Jackson Pollock. For added tension, Kate fends for herself at home as Farraday cowboys down to Panama and back.

While it eventually fades, “Contraband’s” inconsistent “realist” aesthetic bugs me. In other movies, shaky framing and a wobbly depth of field puts across a sad, broken world as if the camera is a pair of weepy, unfocused eyes. Nothing of the cockamamie “Pirates of the Caribbean” plot fits the documentary look.

Reformed cons jubilantly snag cash and chuck old dead friends out of moving vehicles. If anything, “Contraband” relishes carnage — the broody look is cheesy. Clichéd urban shots throbbing to bass tracks is what clicked with the music video fluff of it all.

Lucky breaks and twists of fate can be charming in goofball action flicks, but they crumble in this wannabe drama. Complications meant to add excitement feel tiresome. Every robbery is a sub-par rip off of “The Town.”

Other than Andy’s boneheaded mishaps, letdowns and betrayals are artificial. Characters act along with the filmmakers’ stilted attempts at poignancy.

Also, there is no decent nemesis to give Farraday’s smuggler expertise any merit. 

Nobody notices the smuggler punching an eight-foot loot hole in the cargo ship. Shouldn’t there at least be surveillance cameras? The day Farraday and his gang snag a, their scruffy van containing an “old paint tarp” doesn’t raise customs’ eyebrows.

Ridiculous beyond belief, “Contraband” is unwatchable. Just ban “Contraband.” I give it a ­D.

With a running time of 110 minutes, “Contraband” is rated R for violence, pervasive language and brief drug use.

Heather Foster is a junior at the University of Florida.