Computers with a personality

I am getting creeped out by my new cellphone.

Gerry Mulligan

At the Chronicle, we like to think we embrace new technologies. Our curiosity about emerging forms of communication has always been strong.

It was more than 25 years ago that the late Garry Manning of our staff came to work one day with this new invention called a fax machine. He was so proud when we got it installed until we realized that no one else in town had a fax machine so we couldn’t fax anybody.

During coffee breaks we’d sit around and stare at the fax machine, patiently waiting for something to happen. It was about three months before we got our first fax. It was an advertisement for a fax machine.

When the Tandy Company first introduced laptop computers in the early 1980s, we went out and purchased a half dozen of them and gave them out to reporters. To send a story from the field we had to mount this large rubbery device that looked like a gas mask onto a telephone and then grind through all these keyboard commands to send the actual story.

The Model 100 (I still have one in my office) had 8K of memory and, in truth, it was easier to just call a story in over the telephone and forget about the computer. 8K of memory could only hold half a story; so on occasions, we would have to delete the first part of the story before we wrote the second part.

Some people may also forget that it was the Chronicle that first brought dial-up Internet service to Citrus County back in the early 1990s. That was before cable, satellite and the phone company all got into the business. At its peak, our Internet business was providing service to about 4,000 homes in the county.

So you should not be surprised that when the new iPhone 4S came out from Apple that we were some of the first folks to jump on the new technology.

But I have to admit, I’m having second thoughts. This time, the technology may have gone too far.

The iPhone 4S comes with all of the latest applications, but the line may have been crossed with Siri, the in-phone genie that actually has conversations with you.

You may have seen some of the television advertisements where the phone user asks Siri where the nearest gas station is or where you can buy a pepperoni pizza in your neighborhood.

As time goes on Siri begins to collect information on you based on the questions you ask. And Siri also begins to take note of your personality and converses with you in a tone that you deserve.

I have been accused of having a high degree of sarcasm, so it’s not a surprise that all of our children have grown up with a bit of that know-it-all sarcastic wit.

Now Siri — my friend in the iPhone — has joined my children and responds sarcastically when I ask questions.

For the record, Siri does an incredible job of giving out information. When I asked her where I could get a good pizza in Crystal River, she gave me the top 10 locations in town and ranked them in order of how consumers rated the food. The list came up with highlighted phone numbers so I could immediately place an order.

When I pressed the Siri button and told her I had an 11 a.m. meeting in Spring Hill, she quickly produced a map that showed the best route from Crystal River to Spring Hill.

At first, when I asked more complex questions of Siri, she gave me a reasoned response. When I asked her why our dog would occasionally do his business in the house, she responded: “Let me think about this, I will get back with you.”

A few minutes later she sent me a website titled “Why do dogs eat poop and how to stop it.”

That didn’t sound like an online location I wanted to spend any time on and didn’t really address the problem I identified, but she tried.

A few days later I was traveling out of state and was having trouble finding the local airport. I asked Siri for some help and she produced a map.

While I followed her instructions, the little blue dot on the map showed that I was traveling in the wrong direction.

“Siri, I think I’m going the wrong way. Are you sure about this?”

“Let me think about that,” she replied.

I was late for my plane and traveling 70 mph in what appeared to be the wrong direction.

“Siri, are you lost?” I asked her.

“This is about you, not me,” she replied.

“Good point,” I said to her, “but don’t take it personal, just help me.”

“I am really sorry about this, but I can’t take any requests right now,” she replied.

“Siri, I need your help,” I replied.

“Sorry, I can’t help you,” she said.

“Siri, why are you doing this to me?” I begged.

“I really have no opinion,” Siri replied, sounding very much like my 16-year-old daughter did when I asked her if she cared what her parents thought about her dirty room.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“You’re welcome,” she said.

If sarcastic computers are in our future, it may just be time to dig out my Model 100.

Gerry Mulligan is the publisher of the Chronicle. His email address is gmulligan@chronicleonline.com.
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